Friends

I love Christmas.

I love bears.

All I wanted for Christmas this year, was to spend it with my bear.

I got my present!

Of course, we also managed to share holiday sicknesses.

But I don't care. I love me my man.

Happy. ^_^

Holiday debuggery

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Photos of the week

We're back with more dazzling pictures from around the world. Congrats to marlenemcc, who has been awarded a virtual blue ribbon as the winner of our fourth photo contest. We hope you'll click over to LJ_Photophile poll and tell us your picks in pics!

For more fantastic user content, we'll meet you under the cut. ( Read more... )

Curtains

Thanks, again, for reading. Here's wishing you the very merriest of holidays. We'll see you next year!

I think that I should really blog as much as I used to, because there are some nights where I just sit in bed thinking about things, and blogging usually just clears my mind of all things "Evan".

Tonight...or this morning, rather, it's been "sympathy". Sympathy...It's not really the act of sympathy that I have an issue with. I think tat it's more the assumption of a want for sympathy, that I don't quite understand.

Personally, I don't understand why someone would seek out sympathy...for anything, legitimately.

Here's the scoop;

I grew up in a split household. My parents fought. My mother had a severe addiction to meth. The house was violent, and crazy. I relied on my father after a certain point, but before then, I relied on myself and my own strength. I got along, alone. I lived at friends' houses. In some cases, I didn't live anywhere, or at least, I didn't feel like I did. I made some stupid decisions and had some bonehead friends, whom I was a bonehead with...

We all try to find reasons to be sympathized...or do we? I think...no...I know, that those who have had something to legitimately sympathize, with the strength to overcome it on their own, want little to no sympathy. As a matter of fact, I think that many people loathe sympathy. What those people want, is a solution, or an understanding. A friendly nod of compliance and another mind to work through problems is what these people truly want. They want the idea that there is someone who understands them enough to know that they don't want sympathy. They just want another mind to dissect the troubles of life with, and to understand the hurdles with them, or to help them understand their own hurdles better.

We all need help in our lives. Our relatives pass on, we lose our jobs, but whatever the situation is, I think that, for me, just the notion that someone understands that I am in this situation and that I am handling it, is so much more satisfying than "sympathy". Above all, I want them to know, that "sympathy" is the last thing I need.

Sometimes you just need to say: "This is fucking lame," to someone...That's why our friends are indeed, our friends, is it not?

Personally, I wouldn't want a friend of mine bottling up a frustration they have because they are afraid of people thinking that they just want sympathy. Of course, there ARE those who JUST want sympathy, and the origin of this whole semi rant/conversation is probably based around the idea that so many people really do just seek sympathy (and therefore, becomes widespread, and even the "norm").

However, instead of bottling things up inside when I get frustrated, I'd rather learn to let things go when things really do bother me. It's dust in the wind...and we shall live and move on. It's not that I'm not remaining positive. I usually try to look at the brighter side of things, whenever possible. For me, I think that talking about it helps. Just displaying that frustration cools me off completely, even to the point of a complete calm. I'd rather just change what gets to me...after all, most of our "problems" are what we make of them, and I understand that I'm still a young, inexperienced person and this whole "process of elimination" and Success by trial thing we call life isn't like living at home with three meals a day, a ride to school, and a job two blocks away.

With that, I suppose that accusations of "sympathy" should also be in that group. Because when I just want to talk about something or yes...even complain about something, and my words are taken as pleas, nothing makes me more sick. Ugh...Sympathy is the last thing I want.

So...thinking about this some more, I know I can't say; "you all need to understand," (which never works), I need to say; "Well how can I better get myself across through the limited form of communication we know as 'English'?" I think that the answer to this question for me, is to firstly and foremost, to understand it is assumed that sympathy is wanted after certain statements. After that becomes a fact in my own head, I can relinquish any frustration caused by that assumption.

Now, after I realize this, I need simply to clarify; "Sympathy is the last thing I want," and maybe explain my intentions for my explanation at that point. or enlighten on the positives of my decision(s).

Overall, I think that the bottom line is that when I'm frustrated, and then get more so frustrated because of my "pleas for sympathy," I have a hard time trying to dismiss it all, and with school being so frustrating lately, it's easy to let it build up, and then explode. Take a second. Calm down. Work it out. booyah. Positivity along with the frustration, as well as clarification.

I've stopped my mission to be a better person. I will be someday...maybe. I'm gonna work on this, and remember some of my past lessons to myself, which have gotten buried in the hassles of everyday "adult" living.

Love.

So I checked my grades on sisweb and was not expecting the grades that were posted. Before I email the professor, I wanted to know what the UCD policy is for talking to the professors about grades at this point. I vaguely remember something one of my previous professors said last year about not being allowed to discuss grades with students after they have been submitted?

My professor said he would email us our grades during the week of finals so we'd know what to expect on our transcript, but he never did. :[

And btw, does anyone know the policy on regrades?

Thanks

This time...right before dawn. When I've stayed up to this point, everything is different.

I lose myself in thought...wonder...analyze...overanalyze. I think, and I cry, but I cry only inside. And why? Because there is so much beauty that truly can be found in heightened sensitivity.

I loathe this time, because suddenly, in my thoughts, I am completely flawed and the world is perfect. I am wrong. I am incorrect. I make bad impressions, which lead to hindered opinions;

"What can I say next time to make sure rhwy know that I was misrepresenting myself?"

"Why am I so inadequate? Why am I always wrong? Why do I impose so often? Why can't I be a better friend/son/brother? Where am I missing the boat? Do I truly listen to other people? Why do I feel so selfish? Am I truly loving like I say I do? Gah...I'm just a horrible misrepresentation of what I want to be, versus what I actually am..."

I love this time, because suddenly, in my thoughts, everything that isn't me is completely perfect. The world is true, quiet, blue, and beautiful;

Sitting in the dark, looking at the Christmas tree. I see the lights of peace. So peaceful and representative of the Holidays. I only wish others could sit and do the same, and just enjoy.

"Why can't we all just enjoy? Why can't we all just live to love, and love to live? This moment is beautiful. I will enjoy these moments. I can't sleep yet,"

All this causes a miserable spiral into thought. On one hand, I just want to sleep so I can get to a better tomorrow. On the other, I just want to be alive and here, and in this moment of silent peace.

I don't know...it's an interesting time for me.

And now...it is finally time for sleep.

Hi UCDLJ. Hope you all survived finals.

I am a president of an on campus club, and annually we fundraise with a Trivia Night for grad/undergrad/professors in our department. We usually use a venue that has alcohol service and a private room. The event can draw anywhere from 30-60 people.

Does anyone have any suggestions of places that can have events like this? Usually, we've used Sudweks, but have had issues in the past as they do not split checks, and people were skipping out on their bills. We've looked into having a dinner buffet there, but their prices are high for our little club. Has anyone held an event at sudweks?? Can anyone suggest different venues?

Thank you!

So maybe the whole march on the chancellor's house wasn't as crazy as the UCB press release made it out to be.

The student Activism blog has an update on what facts have come to light since last week. The 8 students who were picked up on felony charges, while they had their bails set over $100k, the DA decided there was no case and all of them were released, but not before three of them had posted a non-refundable $13k bond.

UC Davis professor Bob Ostertag wrote an article defending two of his students who were among those 8.

In the end whatever happened during Live week ended up with students, admins, and the police at each others' throats.

My Conclusion: Everybody in Berkeley is crazy.

I found out that I got a C- in BIS102, a major-required course. Should I just start crying now and give up on going to grad school, or is there any way I can retake this class at Davis? I know that C- is kind of a "limbo" grade because it's passing and therefore can't retake it, but it isn't accepted by many grad/professional schools. I have already e-mailed my adviser asking what to do, but she is out of office during break. I'm guessing I can't ask my prof to drop my grade down to a D because it is already in sisweb.

So UCDLJers...any insight on what to do with this lousy grade? Or should I just let the tears fall :'(

are so gorgeous. How could I even have questioned my orientation at some point in my life?

I LIKE MEN.

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You can view more awesome user content after the jump!

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Curtains

Thanks, again, for joining us. Until next time, stay snug!

I don't get mad very often. I can get irritated or frustrated...but angry? Not often. But I just found a way that someone can do it in 30 seconds:

Bear411 message from ALPHALATIN:

"Fucking gross your bf. I was about to hit on you til I saw your taste in men. G'luck!"

My reply:

"Oh thank God you didn't... I'm glad you saved us both the trouble, because "fucking gross" is what I describe your shallowness as. "fucking gross" is also how I describe a lack of respect for peoples' taste. Therefore, "fucking gross" can be applied PERFECTLY to my impressions of you. 'G'luck!'"

His reply:

"fcking gross" is the natural reaction people get to an old man fongling a boy 30 years his senior. That's where that came from. I can get where his sick mentality comes from. Pedophile! But yours? That's just sick!"

My reply:

"Are you really even part of the bear community? This happens all the time...and the bear community is all about avant guard relationships and attractions to people who aren't part of the norm. I won't argue your closed mindedness, as Brian didn't pursue me. I pursued him. GOD FORBID anyone has an attraction different from you. Women can like older big hairy men just fine, but of course, a young man can't. I've been in this relationship for two years. I'm happy. Brian's happy. We have ALOT of friends and family who accept our relationship, so no...MOST people don't react that way when its consensual, and when they do, they usually are just fucking assholes. The difference between them and you, is that they at least have the decency not to do it to our face. You can think what you want, but good luck being on a site with a bunch of huskier, hairy men without having the ability to respect why anyone would be attracted to them. I am here because I like BEARS...this IS bear411, dude. "Fucking Gross" that I like bears? I am in the right place. You're obviously NOT."

"First off I AM a bear, and as such I don't date guys that were 1 when I was 30. That's just sick. It reeks of pedophilia. The only thing a 50 some year old guy and a 21 year old can have is perverted sex. My bear-ness is not on trial, here. Your "arrangement" is."

"I'm not saying you are or are not a bear. you're right. That's not on trial. Bear-ness is a self identification...but I do question your involvement in the bear community. If you WERE really involved with the bear community, you'd see chaser/bear relationships all the time. It's quite common, and age gaps of 15-25 years are EVERYWHERE. I didn't fall in love with Brian because he was 50 or he me because I was 20. I fell in love with him because I loved him. YOU CANNOT SAY WHAT people IN relationships can feel for one another and can't feel for one another. You have no place to say that, just because YOU don't want to be in a multi-generational relationship. Again, stop judging other people because you don't have the same preference. No, Brian never dated 1 year olds when he was 30 and I never dated 30 year olds when I was 1. Your comparison makes no sense because babies do not have consent to have sex or be in relationships. 21 year olds DO.

You can't judge how Brian and I work in my relationship because of your impressions. How childish... I'm happy in it, and it's worked for two years. Why should I listen to you or let you even impose if I'm happy? You have no place and words go completely unheard. We have family, acceptance, friends, and consensual feeling. You think you can convince me that all I have in my relationship is "perverted sex" when I'm not the one with a shirtless picture for my profile picture, soliciting my stats on a website? Please...your bigotry is completely silenced.

You are also blocked from sending anymore messages. enjoy."

What does this guy have? I have a loving partner that loves me. I have a love that I would give my life for. I have never felt so strongly about a person in my life. How is that "fucking gross"? What does he have?

Nothing. He can't even touch me.

After a moment's anger, and then a moment's self-doubt, with some encouragement from a good friend, I now just hold pity for the inability of this guy to ever experience what true love is.

You and me...All of you that love, and know what it means to love...we always win over this ignorance. Just a simple word from a friend brought me back to me. It is that for which I am truly grateful for.

Aggies, I need your help.

If I have got an incomplete this quarter, does that bump me down to being not in good standing? My GPA is above 2.00 and I'm meeting minimum progress but I'm paranoid about that incomplete affecting my academic standing.

BONUS POINTS FOR CHRISTMAS CHEER IN YOUR COMMENTS :/

Is anyone else enraged that livejournal is flooding with ads? I dropped by UCDLJ to read the comments to the past 2 posts, and they had fullscreen ads that I couldn't close for 5 seconds!

LJ has stooped to a new low. :[